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One beauty of witnesing your life fall apart is that, in order to get back up, you first let go of the big dreams, the grand visions you used to have.
And focus on the little things, the small steps. And one day you realize that these “small things” are actually the ones that matter. And they somehow helped you cover a great distance.
Most days, I still crave for a compass, or an exact, detailed instruction from heaven about where to go, who to be, what to do with my life. But the answer is shockingly simple. Be who you are.
The other day, when I was again wondering about my reason to live, I came across Halina Goldstein’s article How to Find a New Reason to Live When the Meaning of Your Life has Died. I was particularly struck by this line:
“Being your authentic unedited self – seeing yourself for who you are and loving it – equals knowing what you’re here for.” ~ Halina Goldstein
She recommends that we practice daily acts of kindness to ourselves, until such love and care permeates the emptiness we feel. It reminds me of the oft-repeated lesson from my recovery–that the love has to flow from within you. Which means you have to fill yourself up with love first.
I also loved James Altucher’s reminder not to outsource our self-esteem, to always take good care of our health, to keep creating, learning, and doing the things we love. Most important, to be a creator of our lives. In his article How Can I Develop Self-Confidence and Self-esteem?, I especially loved this part:
“Confidence and esteem isn’t about finding your way through the maze of life. It’s when you create the maze. The maze is your unique work of art.
“You are a distant traveler, come along way to be here, to be with us for such a short and precious time.
“Complete your mission.”
~ James Altucher
Given the dots in my own life, I can’t help but think someone up there has been watching over me and hearing my prayers. Even if the answers came more than two decades after. Or maybe three decades. I remind myself of the Serenity Prayer, that I only have to do my best, and let a Higher Power work out the rest.
Then I can rest and play, and finally feel what it’s like to live and trust like a child.
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